Self Discovery

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A journey of self discovery.
A trip into darkness.
A light forced to burn brighter,
My life held by hope’s harness.

It’s amazing how You know just what I need.
In You I stand complete.

Steadied in the rocky climb,
Growing in the struggle.
Holding onto peace,
Learning how to juggle.

It’s amazing how You know just what I need.
In You I stand complete.

Lodges, bonfires and trees.
Never-ending company,
Within the gentle breeze.
Your Love is calling out to me.

It’s amazing how You know just what I need.
In You I stand complete.

The Spirit helps me see
The way in which to walk
I’m learning to do and be –
Life is more than just talk.

It’s amazing how You know just what I need.
In You I stand complete.

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Day 12: Misplaced Outrage – sometimes the message is just for you

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Have you ever felt like something was stolen from you?

I was wondering what to blog about today, as I didn’t feel like writing what was originally on my plan. As I was thinking, I prayed and asked God for a topic, and a certain issue came to mind. I started to write the most heartfelt, personal message, pouring out words that were flowing with a passion and an urgency. I felt exposed, but I felt that the post would encourage someone.

Well, for the first time I was not using the wordpress app, because it wasn’t cooperating. I was using the safari browser on my ipad, and after typing the message I quickly added tags and categories, and posted it, feeling at peace.

However that peace quickly dissolved when It refreshed the page and shows me a blank post. I clicked on view post, just to be sure, and there was nothing.

For some reason, the title, categories and tags had all posted, but there was nothing actually in the post. I went into a state of shock, then outrage, then immense hurt. I felt wounded and weak. Misunderstood and frustrated. I felt like something had been stolen from me.

This scenario happens about 30 minutes ago. Right now, I feel like a different person. I can barely explain the hurt and the feeling of injustice that was bubbling up inside. I literally felt drained.

I ran to my Mother for comfort, and after I spent about 10 minutes crying and explaining that I felt robbed, she said something that I hadn’t considered. Sometimes, we’re so keen to share a word of knowledge, to impart wisdom or encourage someone, that we end up giving away something that was just meant for us. I was convinced that the post not publishing was an attack from the enemy, but perhaps it was the Holy Spirit arresting me. I’ve been praying a lot recently that God would guide me and lead me by His Holy Spirit. Perhaps that was my prayer answered.

The truth is, the message I typed came out of me, which means it hasn’t been stolen. It’s what I truly know, deep inside. Perhaps I just needed to go through ‘therapy’, to clarify it for myself, and release the emotion by writing that post. Sure, I was outraged that the post was lost, and yes, the exact words are gone, but now I can see that the essence of it, the true message, the meaning and the morals, all of that is not lost.

I am now more assured that the post I attempted to share was a personal revelation. I was so caught up in wanting to blog something profound and insightful that I almost gave away a precious moment of Devine revelation between me and my Creator.

Now that’s worth thinking about.